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Cynthia R. Wallace's avatar

I suspect you didn't write and share this with the hopes of being reminded that you ARE a writer (though folks' comments to this effect are meant to be lovely and supportive). Of course you are, as you know, and a gorgeous one at that. But what I want to shout out more loudly is YES, I think about this a lot too, the question of what it would look like to have a life in which the work of caring is mostly tended to, allowing me to lean more fully into the creative / writerly / life-of-the-mind parts of my existence. I wonder about this even as I wonder whether I would want to be less engaged with my children / relationships / care work. But I have a deep sense that the division of labor still is not ideal, that life and labour could still be more robustly ... balanced out? And I speak as a person with an engaged co-parent AND a full-time job as a professor.

But ultimately, I look at the gendered dynamics even among my colleagues and FEEL what you're saying here all the way down. Thank you for articulating it. Solidarity.

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Bobbie's avatar

Re. "If I was a real writer, I wonder again and again, the kind who felt entitled to as much time as she needed, the kind who was ruthless and devoted to her work in a way that I can’t bring myself to be, then wouldn’t these silly limitations that I say are insurmountable be surmountable?"

You ARE a real writer, Luisa. You don't have to be ruthlessly devoted to your work in order to be a real writer. Just like, as a lawyer once upon a time, I didn't have to devote all my time, attention, energy to my law practice, in order to be a "real lawyer." But it was hard, just as it is for you, to believe it sometimes, in the face of colleagues who *were* ruthlessly devoted and who looked at me funny when I left the office at 5 pm. Imposter syndrome, perhaps stemming initially from internal insecurity, but also exacerbated by societal norms that extol and reward total dedication to ones work in order to be considered a "real" whatever-one-does, rather than simply someone with a job.

I guess your piece struck a chord, eh? Thank you!

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