Luisa, I'm wishing you the quickest recovery from your miserable virus, which doesn't seem to have affected your ability to be extremely engaging here! xo
Thank you for these notes; they really do help! I just finished The House of Doors by Tan Twan Eng and had trouble putting it down towards the end, for what it's worth.
I hope you are feeling better after the horrible virus attack. I love the pic of the three of you reading - Bruno cracked me up as I have pics of my son "sitting" like that on top of our large chair many times. I have been reading loads of cozy mysteries lately - I think I love how unchallenging they are and good triumphs over evil, which my brain and heart need right now. Hugs
Hugs from Towson, Maryland - too close to DC, where up is down and the beyond-greedy are doing their crimes against democracy. I find great comfort in your notes and recipes!
Oh dear Luisa a cornucopia of symptoms to say the least ! Hope you feel 110 % soon. I am.in Canada and this weird little virus seems to be making the rounds here too. Perimenopause is the worst. Your poor body just doesn't know what to do with itself !
I can tell by your book reviews you are all over the place. It will pass. I promise. Take it from a seventy year old. Love the photo of you and your boys on the sofa. A definite "keeper"
Hi Luisa, I'm glad you're on the other side of that virus. My husband had something similar right before the new year. He never gets sick. We don't know what it was. It wasn't Covid. He's back to his usual robust self except with a lingering cough. Anyway, I enjoyed the Venice photos you shared on Instagram and would love to hear about your trip, if you feel like sharing. Venice is at the top of my wish list.
As for books, I've been reading every DE Lawrence that my library has. So cozy and escapist. The joys and simplicities of having a salt-of-the-earth daily lady come, especially if she brings a few extra eggs, while one goes for a walk on the heath!
Luisa - you will love your induction stove! Mine is 11 years old and has been amazing. Spring is coming both to Berlin and Boston - here's a toast to less strange and depressing times. Abby xo
Ooh, these are really good questions that definitely require detailed responses to make sense. But I'll try to be brief. First of all, if you suspect you might have ADHD, you should talk to your doctor. Either they can do a first screening or they can refer you to someone who can make an actual diagnosis. The "test" for ADHD is really detailed - we're talking reams and reams of pages full of questions about your childhood and adulthood and detailed questions about almost every aspect of your life. Ideally, a test will also include a questionnaire for your parents, if they are still alive, or your siblings, and/or spouse. "Adult" ADHD isn't really a thing - you either have ADHD or you don't and if you have it, you've had it your whole life. Which is why parents and siblings are part of the questionnaire, to give information or corroborate your own memories and perceptions.
For me, the whole thing actually began when my older son was diagnosed with it 5 years ago. Until then, I had always assumed that ADHD was present in hyperactive boys who disrupted class full stop. That wasn't my son. He was/is an extremely introverted and shy little boy who got along with everyone and was good in school and quiet too. That was when I found out that he had the Inattentive Type of ADHD, which was a huge eye-opener for me - I had no idea there was a non hyperactive type of ADHD (now I understand that hyperactivity is present in all ADHD cases, more or less, it's just a difference between whether the hyperactivity is external, like in a disruptive child, or internal, like in someone who is quiet and introverted but ruminates obsessively and spirals internally helloooo). I started educating myself on ADHD and its spectrum and the more I learned, the more I felt like I was reading about myself. So many of Hugo's quirks and idiosyncrasies started to make more sense when I could place them in a larger context that I was putting together from all of my research.
As for medication, I actually didn't consider it for myself until Hugo started medication this summer. I had tried Ritalin a few years ago and hated the way it made me feel - like I'd had too much coffee. I assumed ADHD meds weren't for me. But then I was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specializes in treating women in middle age, and she really encouraged me to look beyond Ritalin to Elvanse. Girls with ADHD typically develop coping mechanisms that mask their symptoms pretty effectively until middle age, when plummeting hormones wreak havoc and all systems sort of stop working. I take a pretty low dose (and I don't take it when I'm home sick, by the way) and it's actually not that easy to describe how it makes me feel, but it's sort of like all the cobwebs are gone and more crucially, I feel so energized that my own negative self-talk feels a lot less oppressive and important. I feel low-key exhilarated while I'm working. I only drink one caffeinated drink on medication days and that's very early in the morning. I also don't take the medication past 8:00 otherwise it messes with my sleep.
Anyway, I'm not going to get into symptoms, because I have to go to bed but like I said, if you do some research about ADHD and the different types and feel like it might apply to you, you should talk to your doctor. https://www.additudemag.com is an amazing resource. Good luck!!
Wow, this is amazing. Thank you so much for this very detailed and thoughtful answer and insight into your experience.
It is such a tricky mind field to navigate because I, like most people, have all sorts of feelings of lack of motivation, imposter syndrome, self deprecating thoughts, etc. all of which in my mind lead to a lack of ability to to focus, be efficient and be productive.
However, I’m also nervous or anxious to go down the wrong path of some sort of diagnosis when maybe I’m just not exerting the fullest amount of self discipline on myself (so thus comes the ruminating, self-doubt )
Ultimately, I think it is something that I’m interested in talking to a doctor or a professional about but I have to be honest, I’m hesitant because I kind of have this feeling that “there’s nothing that can be done.”- not sure why I have such pessimism, but I do lol
In any case, thank you so much for your time! Now you must get to bed! I know it’s late where you are.
Oh I'm sorry you feel nervous or anxious to find out more - I wish I could take the anxiety from you! I found it hugely empowering and, tbh, fascinating, to find out more about ADHD. And the knowledge alone made quite a bit of difference, at least internally? I really urge you to do some more reading on the subject - Smart but Scattered is a good book and, again, anything on ADDITUDE Mag.
Luisa, what a thoughtful note and such intelligent introspection. I really appreciate your analytic bent so much. However, you may want to keep an eye on mood and anxiety vis-a-vis your cessation of hormones. I am an adult with ADHD with a 44 year old daughter who also has ADHD. She has been on ADHD medications since childhood and now is in peri-menopause as well. There is so much more to be gained by taking hormones in peri menopause and staying on them post menopause than simply a restoration of hormone levels - mood (hugely influential), energy levels, bone health, protection of the lining of the vasculature, risk of cardiovascular disease and dementia to name only a few positives. Here in the states there is so much info on hormone restoration in peri-menopause and in menopause right now. Board certified physicians on Instagram are doing herculean work in getting the word out, complete with links to the relevant medical data. You may want to consider having a look. Hormones have brought my daughter back from job-threatening profound fatigue and brain fog to her usual brilliant self! I hope your travels through this challenge bring you the same. Many thanks for your writings. I am a big fan from all the way back to your Wednesday Chef days.
Lynn, I totally appreciate the spirit with which this was written, but please rest assured that I am more than keeping my eyes on my health - I have reasons for stopping the HRT at the moment and I have excellent medical care and a panoply of doctors by my side to help me as I go forward. This by no means means that I won't take it again in the future! It's just not part of my treatment right now.
I started following you because my sister gave me your baking book. She was an expat as well. She just died of pancreatic cancer at age 49 leaving behind a husband and two children the same ages as your boys. It could be so much worse.
Hi Luisa, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your mental health journey. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety two years ago, and then ADHD one year ago. I took medication for the latter but it didn’t work for me, however, having the diagnosis has helped me so much in so many ways to better understand myself and how my brain works. I hope this will help you as well.
I actually have to give credit to Hugo whose diagnosis preceded mine by several years. It was his diagnosis that set me on the path to understanding ADHD and which helped me identify it in myself too. It's a journey!
Wishing you continued recovery, inside and out. I’m reading Locker Room Talk: Women in Private Spaces. Wonderful! Locally published here in Minnesota but available online through Asterism Press distribution.
I’m jealous about your upcoming trip to Trieste! ~Ann
Liebe Luisa, Thank you for sharing your mental health struggles and your ADHD diagnosis. I got mine in 2023 at age 54. I have been in recovery from alcohol use disorder since 2018 and I keep wondering if I could have avoided the addiction (although it runs in the family) if I hadn’t self medicated with alcohol and been on ADHD medication instead when I wasn’t able to compensate the ADHD anymore in perimenopause. I‘ve started menopause hormone therapy last year and have finally decided to take ADHD medication (Medikinet adult (methylphenidate) in my case) daily just like my thyroid and sex hormones and the antidepressant. It makes no sense to treat it differently from the rest.
You‘ll love Trieste. It’s a very special city. If you have the time visit Duino where Rilke began his elegies. You can visit the castle where he was a guest of Marie von Thurn und Taxis and walk on the Rilke path along the coast. I was lucky enough to finish school there (and learn Italian) on a scholarship at the United World College of the Adriatic 1986-88. (That could be a great option for your children. (More info at uwc.org or uwc.de)
(I talk about addiction, sobriety and neurodivergence in this interview (in German) to combat the shame and stigma around it:
Luisa, I'm wishing you the quickest recovery from your miserable virus, which doesn't seem to have affected your ability to be extremely engaging here! xo
Aw, Val, thank you xoxo
Thank you for these notes; they really do help! I just finished The House of Doors by Tan Twan Eng and had trouble putting it down towards the end, for what it's worth.
Ooh! I've never heard of it. Going to check it out now.
I hope you are feeling better after the horrible virus attack. I love the pic of the three of you reading - Bruno cracked me up as I have pics of my son "sitting" like that on top of our large chair many times. I have been reading loads of cozy mysteries lately - I think I love how unchallenging they are and good triumphs over evil, which my brain and heart need right now. Hugs
Cozy mysteries sound exactly right.
Hugs from Towson, Maryland - too close to DC, where up is down and the beyond-greedy are doing their crimes against democracy. I find great comfort in your notes and recipes!
I aim to provide comfort, so thank you for this high praise and hang in there - xoxox
Commiserating about a recent long-lasting virus, and always grateful for these updates. I’d love to follow along with the apartment changes!
Oh dear Luisa a cornucopia of symptoms to say the least ! Hope you feel 110 % soon. I am.in Canada and this weird little virus seems to be making the rounds here too. Perimenopause is the worst. Your poor body just doesn't know what to do with itself !
I can tell by your book reviews you are all over the place. It will pass. I promise. Take it from a seventy year old. Love the photo of you and your boys on the sofa. A definite "keeper"
Ha, all over the place is right! And yes, I have practiced a lot of radical acceptance over the past few weeks...Ommm :)
Hi Luisa, I'm glad you're on the other side of that virus. My husband had something similar right before the new year. He never gets sick. We don't know what it was. It wasn't Covid. He's back to his usual robust self except with a lingering cough. Anyway, I enjoyed the Venice photos you shared on Instagram and would love to hear about your trip, if you feel like sharing. Venice is at the top of my wish list.
As for books, I've been reading every DE Lawrence that my library has. So cozy and escapist. The joys and simplicities of having a salt-of-the-earth daily lady come, especially if she brings a few extra eggs, while one goes for a walk on the heath!
Yes, I will share soon! I just need to get out of my own way.
Luisa - you will love your induction stove! Mine is 11 years old and has been amazing. Spring is coming both to Berlin and Boston - here's a toast to less strange and depressing times. Abby xo
I'm excited for this new chapter!
Thanks for this good read…
So curious about adult ADHD… I often think I have it- but am a bit uneducated as to “what” it is and then doubt my gut feeling on it.
How has the medication helped? What were your symptoms?…
(I realize this is a question with probably quite a long answer…. Totally understand if you want to pass this by ! lol)
Ooh, these are really good questions that definitely require detailed responses to make sense. But I'll try to be brief. First of all, if you suspect you might have ADHD, you should talk to your doctor. Either they can do a first screening or they can refer you to someone who can make an actual diagnosis. The "test" for ADHD is really detailed - we're talking reams and reams of pages full of questions about your childhood and adulthood and detailed questions about almost every aspect of your life. Ideally, a test will also include a questionnaire for your parents, if they are still alive, or your siblings, and/or spouse. "Adult" ADHD isn't really a thing - you either have ADHD or you don't and if you have it, you've had it your whole life. Which is why parents and siblings are part of the questionnaire, to give information or corroborate your own memories and perceptions.
For me, the whole thing actually began when my older son was diagnosed with it 5 years ago. Until then, I had always assumed that ADHD was present in hyperactive boys who disrupted class full stop. That wasn't my son. He was/is an extremely introverted and shy little boy who got along with everyone and was good in school and quiet too. That was when I found out that he had the Inattentive Type of ADHD, which was a huge eye-opener for me - I had no idea there was a non hyperactive type of ADHD (now I understand that hyperactivity is present in all ADHD cases, more or less, it's just a difference between whether the hyperactivity is external, like in a disruptive child, or internal, like in someone who is quiet and introverted but ruminates obsessively and spirals internally helloooo). I started educating myself on ADHD and its spectrum and the more I learned, the more I felt like I was reading about myself. So many of Hugo's quirks and idiosyncrasies started to make more sense when I could place them in a larger context that I was putting together from all of my research.
As for medication, I actually didn't consider it for myself until Hugo started medication this summer. I had tried Ritalin a few years ago and hated the way it made me feel - like I'd had too much coffee. I assumed ADHD meds weren't for me. But then I was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specializes in treating women in middle age, and she really encouraged me to look beyond Ritalin to Elvanse. Girls with ADHD typically develop coping mechanisms that mask their symptoms pretty effectively until middle age, when plummeting hormones wreak havoc and all systems sort of stop working. I take a pretty low dose (and I don't take it when I'm home sick, by the way) and it's actually not that easy to describe how it makes me feel, but it's sort of like all the cobwebs are gone and more crucially, I feel so energized that my own negative self-talk feels a lot less oppressive and important. I feel low-key exhilarated while I'm working. I only drink one caffeinated drink on medication days and that's very early in the morning. I also don't take the medication past 8:00 otherwise it messes with my sleep.
Anyway, I'm not going to get into symptoms, because I have to go to bed but like I said, if you do some research about ADHD and the different types and feel like it might apply to you, you should talk to your doctor. https://www.additudemag.com is an amazing resource. Good luck!!
Wow, this is amazing. Thank you so much for this very detailed and thoughtful answer and insight into your experience.
It is such a tricky mind field to navigate because I, like most people, have all sorts of feelings of lack of motivation, imposter syndrome, self deprecating thoughts, etc. all of which in my mind lead to a lack of ability to to focus, be efficient and be productive.
However, I’m also nervous or anxious to go down the wrong path of some sort of diagnosis when maybe I’m just not exerting the fullest amount of self discipline on myself (so thus comes the ruminating, self-doubt )
Ultimately, I think it is something that I’m interested in talking to a doctor or a professional about but I have to be honest, I’m hesitant because I kind of have this feeling that “there’s nothing that can be done.”- not sure why I have such pessimism, but I do lol
In any case, thank you so much for your time! Now you must get to bed! I know it’s late where you are.
I appreciate your insight so much thank you
John
Oh I'm sorry you feel nervous or anxious to find out more - I wish I could take the anxiety from you! I found it hugely empowering and, tbh, fascinating, to find out more about ADHD. And the knowledge alone made quite a bit of difference, at least internally? I really urge you to do some more reading on the subject - Smart but Scattered is a good book and, again, anything on ADDITUDE Mag.
Luisa, what a thoughtful note and such intelligent introspection. I really appreciate your analytic bent so much. However, you may want to keep an eye on mood and anxiety vis-a-vis your cessation of hormones. I am an adult with ADHD with a 44 year old daughter who also has ADHD. She has been on ADHD medications since childhood and now is in peri-menopause as well. There is so much more to be gained by taking hormones in peri menopause and staying on them post menopause than simply a restoration of hormone levels - mood (hugely influential), energy levels, bone health, protection of the lining of the vasculature, risk of cardiovascular disease and dementia to name only a few positives. Here in the states there is so much info on hormone restoration in peri-menopause and in menopause right now. Board certified physicians on Instagram are doing herculean work in getting the word out, complete with links to the relevant medical data. You may want to consider having a look. Hormones have brought my daughter back from job-threatening profound fatigue and brain fog to her usual brilliant self! I hope your travels through this challenge bring you the same. Many thanks for your writings. I am a big fan from all the way back to your Wednesday Chef days.
Lynn, I totally appreciate the spirit with which this was written, but please rest assured that I am more than keeping my eyes on my health - I have reasons for stopping the HRT at the moment and I have excellent medical care and a panoply of doctors by my side to help me as I go forward. This by no means means that I won't take it again in the future! It's just not part of my treatment right now.
♥️
I started following you because my sister gave me your baking book. She was an expat as well. She just died of pancreatic cancer at age 49 leaving behind a husband and two children the same ages as your boys. It could be so much worse.
I am so incredibly sorry for your - and your family's - loss. My deepest condolences.
Hi Luisa, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your mental health journey. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety two years ago, and then ADHD one year ago. I took medication for the latter but it didn’t work for me, however, having the diagnosis has helped me so much in so many ways to better understand myself and how my brain works. I hope this will help you as well.
I actually have to give credit to Hugo whose diagnosis preceded mine by several years. It was his diagnosis that set me on the path to understanding ADHD and which helped me identify it in myself too. It's a journey!
It's lovely how the writing helps, isn't it? I quickly reserved Rejection from the library and look forward to reading it!
Wishing you continued recovery, inside and out. I’m reading Locker Room Talk: Women in Private Spaces. Wonderful! Locally published here in Minnesota but available online through Asterism Press distribution.
I’m jealous about your upcoming trip to Trieste! ~Ann
Sending love. We were flattened by RSV in late December and January sure is rolling in in brutal waves. Glad to have these book recs.
I just started Rejection! Looking forward to the laughs.
Liebe Luisa, Thank you for sharing your mental health struggles and your ADHD diagnosis. I got mine in 2023 at age 54. I have been in recovery from alcohol use disorder since 2018 and I keep wondering if I could have avoided the addiction (although it runs in the family) if I hadn’t self medicated with alcohol and been on ADHD medication instead when I wasn’t able to compensate the ADHD anymore in perimenopause. I‘ve started menopause hormone therapy last year and have finally decided to take ADHD medication (Medikinet adult (methylphenidate) in my case) daily just like my thyroid and sex hormones and the antidepressant. It makes no sense to treat it differently from the rest.
You‘ll love Trieste. It’s a very special city. If you have the time visit Duino where Rilke began his elegies. You can visit the castle where he was a guest of Marie von Thurn und Taxis and walk on the Rilke path along the coast. I was lucky enough to finish school there (and learn Italian) on a scholarship at the United World College of the Adriatic 1986-88. (That could be a great option for your children. (More info at uwc.org or uwc.de)
(I talk about addiction, sobriety and neurodivergence in this interview (in German) to combat the shame and stigma around it:
https://youtu.be/cbcW5XzO9dY?si=yemfZ9LOw-69O21u.)